Day Six: On the Up & Up

I think I've turned a corner.  I've leveled out, emotionally speaking, and have my cravings in (relative) check. I seem to have my patience back, didn't shed any tears today, and I feel pretty good all-around.  I think part of it is that I went back to work today and was able to get out of my own head for a bit.  It felt freeing to think about something other than tortilla chips for awhile, if even for a few fleeting hours.  Plus, it was therapeutic to commiserate with my two fellow detoxers and share in each others ups and downs thus far.   


After work, I was hungry and went to town in the kitchen- snacktown, to be exact.  And then I chowed down.  I made the most delicious salty/crunchy grain-free seed crackers and a bowl of fresh guacamole.  Swoon!  Hit the spot like nothing else.  I am SO grateful for almond flour and avocados; they are miracle workers in my life right now and are making all of my detox dreams come true.  It's the little things in life, I tell ya. 


So, that's day six in a nutshell.  Back to work and back to feeling like me.  Other observations include:

- I've been sleeping like a rock every night.
  
- I wake up feeling refreshed and ready to start my day (this is all new to me)

- I'm learning that fat is my friend.  I feel the best after eating bacon, or an avocado, or a bacon-wrapped avocado cooked in butter.  Now we're talkin'.


- I have a desire to be in water.   Been wanting long showers and hot baths; been dreaming about being buoyant in the ocean, diving into pools and floating down lazy rivers.  I don't know what that's all about.  Is it that I'm drinking so much water that I'm becoming one big body of water myself?  Detoxing, water- it's all so cleansing.  And I want to be totally immersed.  

Well friends, I'm taking my weary and grateful self to bed.  Tomorrow - day seven - marks one week, and I to hope celebrate with bacon and a bath.  It's the little things ;)   

Day Five: BAD

Allow me to cut to the chase: Today was awful.  Absolutely, undoubtedly, one of the most frustrating days of my life.   The good news is that I'm pretty certain that it had little-to-nothing to do with the detox. Today's fiasco aside, I feel good.

My intention for today was to get a very time-sensitive outpatient procedure done (had to be today) in the morning and then go to work in the afternoon.  What wound up happening was this: I was on the phone from 7:30am to 2:30pm with my primary care physician, my insurance company, my specialist and the hospital, and it all resulted in a big fat ball of nothing.  All that talk and no appointment.


Here's a very brief recap of the highlights:


Jen > Hospital: Hi, I need to come in today
Hospital: Ok but first we need your doc to call
Jen: Ok I'll have her call


Jen > Doc: Hi Doc, I need you to call hospital and tell them I need this time-sensitive procedure.
Doc: No problem, we'll call them.
Doc via voicemail: FYI we called and faxed over the scrip, you're good to go, just need to call and schedule you appointment.
Jen: Yay!


Jen > Hospital: Hi, I need to come in today, and my doctor already called and faxed over scrip.
Hospital: Sorry, patients cannot schedule their own appointments for same-day procedures, your doc has to call back and do that.  
Jen: Really?
Hospital: Yep


Jen > Doc: Hi Doc, you need to call back and schedule my appointment
Doc: Really?
Jen: Yep
Doc: I don't think so.  When I called, they said I just had to fax the scrip and then you had to make your own appointment.
Jen: Hmmm.  I'll try again, maybe I got a misinformed rep
Doc: Yeah, try again.  I spoke directly with the folks in radiology
Jen: Ok


Jen > Hospital: Hi, I need to come in today and my doc already called and faxed in the scrip.  She was told that the next step was for me to call to set up my appointment.
Hospital: Sorry, patients cannot schedule their own appointments, your doc has to call back and do that.
Jen: But, but, but-
Hospital: Your doc has to call so and so in this office and then fax the scrip to the other office.
Jen: yeah, I'm pretty certain she's done that already.
Hospital: No, we have no record of that.
Jen: Ok well then you and I have to conference call over to her so that you can tell her directly what she needs to do.
H > J > Doc: (We finally connect to doctor's office and hospital lady hangs up)


Jen > Doc Office: I'm losing my mind
D > J: Ok, I'll take a message and will have a nurse call you back.


(INSERT LOTS OF SWEAR WORDS HERE.  Also, about three hours have gone by at this point)


Doc Office > Jen: Hi, please call Joy at the hospital at this number.  I just spoke to her and she said that you can schedule your appointment.
Jen: Praise God


Jen > Joy: Hi, I need to come in today, and I understand you just spoke to my doc's office.
Joy > Jen: I need your doctor to fax over the scrip


(ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME????)


Jen > Joy: Um, no.  I'm certain that she's done that.  Also, I have a copy of the scrip and am happy to bring it over.
Joy > Jen: Oh ok, well then let's get you registered.  


I then proceeded to give her all sorts of information to become a registered patient, and was doing a happy dance cause I was on my way to getting my appointment!


Joy: Ok, looks like we can get you in here on Thursday.


(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)


Jen: NO, NO, NO.  The whole point of this call is so that I can come in today.  It's a time sensitive procedure.
Joy: Ohhh, well then your doc needs to send the scrip with the word "stat" on it.


(This is where I started to break down, and Joy knew it)


Joy: Please hold while I call your doc.
Jen: (holding)
Joy: Thanks for holding, your doc will add the word "stat" and will re-fax, and you should be good to go.
Jen: (happy dance)
Joy: Please hold while I check the schedule with radiology
Jen: (holding)
Joy: The radiology folks want to talk to you.  Please hold while I transfer.


Radiology: Hi, what do you need done today?
Jen: (I explained what I needed, and read the scrip to her)
Radiology: Please hold
Jen: (holding)
Radiology: I'm sorry, that's the one procedure we don't do here.


As her words echoed in my ear and the reality hit my brain, I didn't know what else to do but start sobbing.  It was now 12:30.  I had spent 5 hours trying to make an appointment for the one thing this hospital doesn't do.  Again I ask, ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME???  I had been sent to this particular hospital because that's where I'm capitated to through my insurance, yet this hospital doesn't have what I need.  Which, by the way, is a pretty standard procedure.  Nothing fancy.  


I then spent the rest of the afternoon calling my insurance company and other hospitals to try and get in same-day using the same process, but it was a futile attempt.  No one could see me.  My window of opportunity has passed and I have to wait for the next window, and hope things work out better next time.  So incredibly frustrating.  Oh well, at least I can grab a beer, I mean a water, and drink my sorrows away.  


Tomorrow will be better.  Tomorrow will be better.  Right?  

Day Four: Frustrations and a Mini-Meltdown

Today was tough, not gonna lie.  It was just one of those days where every little task overwhelmed me completely and left me feeling deflated and incredibly frustrated.  Ugh.  

I woke up and felt fine, but quickly spiraled downward as I realized how much I had to accomplish during the day.  The first piece of business was thinking about and planning every single meal and snack I'll have over the next seven days, and then making a shopping list.  Even on the best of days, making a grocery shopping list takes me at least an hour.  It's just the most arduous task that brings my ADD to a whole new level.  So, it took me almost two hours and I still didn't feel organized or accomplished afterward.  I felt scattered, overwhelmed, and on-edge.  

As I tried to get myself ready to head out to the store(s), I just couldn't get it together.  Everything I touched fell apart.  I touched the sink and the drain broke; I tried to defrost meat and I cooked it; I pulled one thing out of the closet and everything else fell out.  The house was a mess, there were dishes in the sink, laundry was piled everywhere, and I still had to prep and cook so much food for the week ahead.  I was completely overwhelmed and couldn't comfort myself in the usual ways, ya know, like with a handful of tortilla chips or a piece of chocolate.  

So, without my usual vices, I had nothing left to do but melt down and have a good cry.  I stopped trying to fight it and just surrendered to feeling out of control, overwhelmed and totally impatient.  I had to remind myself (and Jay, God bless him) that these types of emotional responses are normal when detoxing, especially during the first few days.  And with that, I blew my nose, dried my eyes, and was off to Trader Joe's.  And Whole Foods.  And Pathmark. 

Grocery shopping was a nightmare for two reasons:

1) There was food everywhere and I wanted to eat it all.  The free sample at Trader Joe's today?  Oh nothing, just BBQ effing pizza!!!  No thank you.  That's fine.  I'd rather have some sauerkraut anyway.  Ahem.

2) Every person got on my last nerve and I wanted to kill everyone. 

Luckily, I made it home without eating "bad" food and without committing murder.  Victory!  I rewarded my good behavior with a handful of almonds :/  Also in the lucky category, Jay cleaned the house while I was gone, so I walked into a much less chaotic scene than when I left.  I planned to start my laundry and chill for a while before dinner, but then I remembered that I had to prep and cook for the work week!  Ugh.  No.More.Cooking.  Apparently, there's no rest for the emotionally unstable.


I love cooking when I love to cook, but not always when I have to cook.  That's the thing about this detox - you are always in the kitchen or at the store or thinking about what you need to cook or what you need to get at the store.  It's all food all the time.  So, I headed back into the newly cleaned kitchen and proceeded to muck it up.  I made a batch of egg muffins, which will be my breakfast for the next several days.  I fried 8 strips of bacon, sauteed bell pepper, onion and spinach in a pan, whisked 12 eggs and poured it all into cupcake tins, baked for 20 minutes, and now I have portable breakfast on the go.  Egg muffins for the win.

Just when I thought I was done with cooking for the day, I looked at the clock and realized it was dinner time.  More.Cooking.OMG.  Also, I should mention that we do not have a dishwasher, so when I say "cooking", I'm also referring to washing mountains of dishes per cook session.  

For dinner we had grass-fed steaks, mashed potatoes cauliflower, and garlic green beans.  The cauli-mash was AMAZING.  Light, fluffy and buttery; I honestly think I prefer it over the real deal.  Once again, props to my friend Simone over at Zenbelly for another simple yet scrumptious recipe.  Dinner was delicious.  Like last night, it left me satisfied and blissfully content.  The grass-fed steaks (from America, not Australia!) were tasty, although a little chewy.  There's definitely a learning curve with cooking this kind of beef, and we're getting there.  

I'm happy that this day is almost over, and that I get to crawl into bed and dream about tortilla chips and tequila.  Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope to be in a better mood.  One saving grace is that I roped two of my co-workers into doing this with me, so at least we can all be miserable together.  Us miserable types, we sure do love company.  


So that's all for today, friends.  Tomorrow is Day 5, which sounds like a milestone; a real achievement.  Victory!  I think I'll reward myself with... more almonds :/  See you tomorrow. 

Day Three: Cramps & Cravings

I just ate a delicious dinner, took a hot shower, and am now sitting here on my couch in my jammers listening to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack.  I haven't felt this content since, well, this morning.  All in all, today has been a great day despite some minor physical and emotional discomfort.

I woke up super early for a Saturday - 7:20am.  Yeah, I know.  I had abdominal cramping (not detox related) and just couldn't go back to bed, so I decided to cozy up with blankets and pillows on the couch and watch a movie.  I wound up watching Due Date with Robert Downy Jr. and Zach Galifianakis, which was exactly the kind of movie I was hoping for: light, funny and perfect for cramps.  

Once the movie was over, I got up and made myself a plate of fried eggs, bacon, and raw kraut.  I wasn't sure if my stomach was ready for eggs and bacon and butter, but it really hit the spot and made me feel better.  I still wanted to have a slow morning and ease into my day, so I slipped back under the blanket and got all wrapped up in a mini-marathon of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (RHoBH).  Now that is some good Saturday morning TV; it's like cartoons for adults. 

Several hours and one RHoBH season later, I finally peeled my self off the couch and decided to get going.  Aren't Saturdays amazing?  We had some leftover grass-fed beef from the burgers last night, so I made a few more burgers and had one over a salad.  I thought the beef tasted better today, probably because I didn't cook it so long.  Still not great, but not as gamey and chewy as last night.  


After lunch, I joined Jay in the downstairs apartment to help clean up from our month and a half-long renovation project to get it ready for a new tenant.  From the beginning, this project has been, well, not always what we we expected.  For instance, on the first weekend, we invited a few friends over to help us paint the unit.  We had picked a warm neutral called Cultured Pearl, which looked like a warm white when we slapped in on the wall.  Perfect.  

Six gallons and eight hours later, we had ourselves a pink apartment.  Not warm white, no.  This was 100% certified ballerina pink.  The worst part is that we kinda saw it happening stroke by stroke, but somehow convinced each other that it was just the harsh fluorescent light.  Well, turns out the light of day is even harsher and less forgiving.  We officially declared it PINK at 9:00am the next morning, and went to Sherwin Williams to start over.  So that's how the project began, and that's kinda how things have been going ever since.  But we're finally starting the wrap-up process; the construction is done and now the great clean-up begins.


As the day waned on, I noticed a shift in myself.  I became a touch more serious, had a bit less patience and was very much in my own head.  I didn't know it at the time, but I now realize that this was right around the time my first cravings began.  Not for chocolate nor wine, but for a tortilla chip.  Or a handful.  Or - let's be honest here - a bag.  I wanted a mouth-full of salty-crunchy snacky goodness, and I wanted it now.  I was hijacked by my craving and couldn't focus on anything but the one thing I couldn't have. 

This was the first detox symptom I had experienced, and rather than give in to the craving, I decided to shift gears and go back up to the kitchen to start making dinner.  I snacked on salty pistachios, which helped, but then Jay snacked on tortilla chips and kissed me with his salty lips and tortilla-chip breath.  I learned an important lesson in that moment: I hate Jay when he eats tortilla chips while I can't.  

Deep breaths, deep breaths.


I hated on him for about 2 minutes, but then I was distracted by and overcome with love for the aroma that was emanating from the oven.  Garlic bread!  Well actually, it was garlic ginger chicken, but it might as well of been garlic bread.  It was so damn good, and satisfied my craving as if it were bread.  I made it with snap peas and bell peppers sauteed in butter, with leftover cauliflower rice.  I'm pretty certain that this has been the first detox dinner that felt indulgent and left me deeply satisfied.  After feeling so antsy and distracted by my cravings, it felt borderline blissful to be content rather than filled to the brim with desire for something I'm choosing to forego.


After devouring my dinner, I decided to end the day with a long, hot shower.  Sometimes nothing comforts like warm water, especially in the cold of winter.  It felt nice to be alone with my thoughts, processing the day's highs and lows as I lathered up with a sweet vanilla lavender body wash.  It was all the dessert I needed.


So all in all, a great day.  I'm really feeling the cozy vibe and might end my night with another movie on the couch.  Or better yet, bed.  Mmmm, bed.  Now that's a craving I can give in to ;)  Nighty night y'all.

21 Days, One Day at a Time

It's that time of year again, friends.  Time to walk away from the tortilla chips, put down the Dogfish Head Indian Brown Ale down, and shun all sweets for 21 days (crazy, right?).  That's right, it's time for a good ol' fashioned detox.  

Every year, in between January and May, I do some type of detox.  It's always the same general concept (avoidance of sugar and carbs in all of their sneaky and delicious forms), but the format varies.  This year, I've chosen to do the 21-Day Sugar Detox thanks to the recommendation of my friend Simone.  

What I love about this plan is that it's based on the Paleo way of eating, which in a nutshell is all about returning to whole foods the way they were long ago; before food was an industry, before government subsidies, before everything we ate came in a package that we bought in a box store, and before cancer and diabetes became part of our everyday realities.  Unlike other "diets" or lifestyles, paleo just seems to make sense.  There are no points to add up, no calories to count, and no scales to weigh food on (that is ridiculous, by the way).  It's all about enjoying meats, veggies, certain nuts, lots of good fat and some fruit, while avoiding grains, gluten, and sugar. Simple.

I plan on using these three weeks to purge some other bad habits (staying up too late, not drinking enough water, drinking too much heavy beer, playing Words with Friends too much, not reading enough, not writing enough, etc.) and get back the things I love most - sleeping, reading, writing.

And speaking of writing more, I'll be blogging each and every single one of these 21 days, and will be sharing the ups and downs of this journey with you, my dear reader.  Today is day two, so let me back it up and cover day one.

Day 1

They key to being successful at any detox is being prepared, which I was.  I had made meal lists and had done my grocery shopping a few days prior to day one, and I had brought food to work and stashed it in the fridge.  I definitely gave myself a gold star for a solid prep effort.  So, I woke up on day one and made myself a hearty veggie and egg scramble with a few strips of bacon.  I left for work feeling good and ready to take on whatever the day would bring.  

Well, one thing the day brought was a rather last minute outreach event that I had to attend for work, from 11:00 - 2:30.  Normally I would just grab lunch on the road, but not on day one of a detox.  I figured I'd snack on some almonds until I got back to the office.  Well, by the time I got back to the office, assembled my salad, and chatted with a few co-workers, it was 3:30, and I was ravenous!  I had let my blood sugar crash, and I paid for it the rest of the day.


While my lunch helped the feeling subside a bit, I just never fully recovered from that head-achy, depleted, grumpy feeling.  I went home, grabbed a beer, did dishes, cooked dinner (delicious green coconut salmon with bell peppers and cauliflower rice, recipe courtesy of Zenbelly), and was literally in bed before 9:30.  For a girl who normally hits the hay around midnight, this was nuts.  


So, I learned two valuable lessons on day one:

1) I ate breakfast way too early and lunch way too late.  I need to eat breakfast around 9:00 rather than 6:30.  I'm not at all hungry at 6:30, plus, it puts too much space in between breakfast and lunch creating unnecessary hunger.  

2) I cannot allow my blood sugar to crash like that again.  If I have a busy day and need to be on the road during the lunch hours, I need to pack my lunch and bring it with me.  

With those lessons learned, I moved on to day two.

Day 2


After nine hours of scrumptious sleep, I was ready to rise and shine at 6:30am.  Rather than make breakfast and eat too early, I decided to throw dinner leftovers in a Tupperware and bring 'em to work.  Perfection.  I think this how I'm gonna roll from here on out.


A few hours later, I assembled a hearty salad with mixed greens, grilleld chicken, avocado, bell peppers, onions, cucumber, cherry tomatoes and goat cheese drizzled with balsamic vinaigrette.  It had plenty of protein and fat, not to mention flavor, so it was totally satisfying.  


The rest of the day rolled on fairly quickly and without incident.  I snacked on some almonds around 4:30, and wasn't hungry for dinner until after 8:00.  We had grass-fed beef burgers with all the fixins' and brussel sprouts sauteed in butter and garlic.  This was my first time cooking and eating grass-fed ground beef, and it was just ok.  I got this particular meat at Trader Joe's, and couldn't help but notice that it was from Australia!  First of all, that's a l-o-n-g way for meat to travel.  Secondly, one of the things I remember from my visit to Australia is that the meat was awful- like really, really bad.  So, I'm gonna chalk up the iffy flavor and texture to Australia (no offense Australia, I love everything else about you!) and hope for better beef next time.  

Lessons learned/observations from day two:

1) Getting plentiful sleep set the tone for the entire day.  For the first time in months, maybe even years, I was early for the train today.  I got to the station and had five - yes FIVE - minutes to kill.  Who knew mornings could be so leisurely.


2) I've been drinking a ton of water, and while my bladder is less than thrilled, the rest of me feels hydrated and happy.

3) I should probably quit getting my meat from Australia and look for a local farm.  Lesson learned.


Well, that's all I've got for now.  I'm off to bed to rest my weary head.  Stay tuned for day three!
 

Warmed and Worn Out

Happy Holidays, friends!  

Ever since Thanksgiving, life has been a non-stop whirlwind of fun and activity that has warmed my soul and also worn me to my core.  In a nutshell, we hosted Thanksgiving; we hosted a gingerbread house decorating party for our nieces and nephews; we did fall cleanup in our garden; I spent a weekend with one of my BFFs imbibing on holiday goodness, booze, and My Fair Wedding marathons; my Mom came for a visit, we started painting and renovating our downstairs apartment; attended various work, friend and family holiday parties; and then traveled to CT for Christmas.  I'm spent!

Now that I'm back home and the holidays are almost over, I am very much looking forward to the deep quiet of winter.  Ideally, I would escape into the woods of Vermont and hibernate in cabin for the next two months.  No tv, no internet, no phone; just books, candles, a bathtub, a camera, and my laptop for writing.  And some wine.  And Jay, duh.  But unfortunately, my employer frowns upon two month periods of isolation and rest in faraway states.  So, I'll have to improvise.

I think what I'm really craving is just good old fashioned unscheduled down time.  I want a weekend with no plans, so that I can wake up and choose to watch movies on the couch all day, or I can choose to go hiking in the woods, or just go for a drive and wander through the small towns of Pennsylvania.  I get this hankering every winter, and every winter I find solace in the quiet, cold of winter.  So, after New Year's Eve, and after we're done working on the first floor apartment, I will take my cues from nature, go underground and hibernate for awhile.  Bliss. 


What about you?  How do you spend the winter?  What do you crave after the busyness of the autumn and holiday season?  Any other hibernators out there? 

Occupy 2.0: A Movement at a Crossroads

As the Occupy Wall Street (OWS) movement turns two months old, and as many local encampments face eviction, and winter, I think it’s time we start re-thinking what it means to Occupy, and planning the next phase of this movement.  Physically occupying public and/or private space was a great tactic, and one that has served its purpose, I believe.  People all over the country have been in a state of crippling crisis, while Wall Street banks have been riding high thanks to our bailout.  People have felt helpless, powerless; like they're mere victims of a system that rewards corruption and seemingly punishes the honest pursuit of the ever elusive American dream.  So having a call to action for a long-term occupation of Wall Street served as a galvanizing force: Off of the couch and into the streets!  That call to action resonated with the masses and manifested in the creation of long-term occupations all over the country.  

I don’t think everyone realized how pissed off they were until they started seeing other pissed-off people gathering at Zuccotti Park and at encampments throughout the country.  Like I mentioned in an earlier post, the more that people participated, the more others began to participate.  So, the  physical occupation was key in creating an actual space for people to come together and start to dialogue about the state of the mess we're in.  That alone is some powerful stuff, especially in this day and age when we tend to gather online rather than in person.  Plus, the encampments were more than a few tents pitched in a common area; they were (are) a self sustaining community that provided a model of radical inclusion, mutual support and direct democracy.  Direct democracy is exhausting, by the way.  Awesome, but incredibly exhausting.  

Aside from the gathering/community building that the occupation of physical space resulted in, these encampments were (are) the visual symbol of this movement.  You cannot ignore the fact that thousands of people are living in tents in cities and towns all around the country.  I don't know about you, but I literally have to walk through the encampment in Philadelphia to get to my office.  I could not ignore it if I tried.  

 You know who else can't ignore it?  The media.  And because the media cannot ignore the Occupy movement, neither can anyone else who's not living under a rock.  Rather than just covering the marches and direct actions, the media have been covering the evictions, General Assemblies, protester/City relations, public health and safety concerns, and anything else that happens at camp.  As the old adage goes, all press is good press, to a point (more on that later).  The end result is that people are paying attention and are talking about this movement.  And not just supporters, either; there are several folks who either don't understand what it's all about, or who totally oppose it.  But the commonality is that just about everyone is talking about what's going on and has an opinion about it, thanks to the media coverage.  

Despite the positives associated with the occupation of physical space, there are also several negatives, especially in the context of a long-term movement.  For starters, the folks who are actually occupying represent a tiny fraction of those of us who identify with and support the movement.  At it's peak, the encampment in Philadelphia had close to 400 tents.  Currently, the Occupy Philadelphia facebook page has over 27,000 "likes", and based on what I hear in my social and professional circles, there are many, many more who support what's going on in one way or another.  So, while the camp is the visual face of the movement, it's really not.  Much of the negative press stems from the actions of a select few, and then those actions become the official soundbites or headlines coming out of Occupy Philly.  And while I do believe that all press is good press as a general rule of thumb, I also think that perception matters, and that too much bad press over an extended period of time is just bad.

 Having the encampments as the loci of the movement has resulted in the following: 1) Many of us are unable to participate in any real way (can't camp, can't regularly attend General Assembly, can't participate in several week-day direct action activities) and therefore feel slightly removed from the action;  2) Onlookers and potential supporters are only getting a partial view of a much broader group, and are basing their opinions of the movement on the actions of the smaller group, and 3) The general public thinks that the Occupy movement is synonymous with the occupation of physical space, and it is not, at least in my humble opinion.  The occupation of physical space is one tactic in a much broader movement, and I personally think that it's time to consider other, more sustainable tactics to pursue as the the movement progresses from infancy to toddler-hood.     

Another negative of focusing too much on the camping aspect of the movement is that it diverts the energy and focus from matters of corporate greed and economic injustice to matters of permits, plazas and police.  Here in Philadelphia, all we've been hearing about lately is whether the camp is moving to a new plaza and whether or not they need a permit.  Personally, I think we have significantly bigger fish to fry.

 And that brings me to the most immediate downfalls of a continuation of the tent tactic: 1) Evictions are plaguing many locales, and 2) winter is upon us.  Many see the recent wave of evictions as defeat, but I see them as an opportunity.  Truth is, voluntarily camping on cold, city concrete in the snow and ice is just not a sustainable idea.  And again, since the encampments are so highly visible, the media will feed on the dwindling numbers of tents rather than report on what's actually happening outside of the encampments.  Let's face it, the physical occupations will probably be fairly lifeless and rather transient over the winter months.  Rather than react and retreat in response to evictions and/or harsh weather, how about we just proactively recognize the strengths and limits of certain tactics, and move on to phase two of the movement. There is no shame in heading indoors for the winter.

Who knows what phase two will look like, or what the goals will be.  Perhaps more coordinated efforts between and among the various Occupation cities; maybe a clear message with specific demands and a strong idea of what success will look like, and hopefully an organized force that continues to influence the political discourse in this upcoming election year.  I don't really know.  But I do believe that the movement is at a crossroads, and we have an opportunity to pause, ponder and progress the Occupy movement in a positive and meaningful way.  Regardless of what happens in the future, no one can deny the power of what has unfolded in these past two months.  

High on Occupy

I wrote what follows a few weeks ago, but never posted because of what happened by the time I was done writing it.  As you'll read, I am a full-on supporter of the Occupy movement and hold a great deal of pride for the Philadelphia occupation, particularly as it pertains to police-protester relations.  As I was getting ready to wrap this entry up and post it, I became quite disheartened by an Occupy Philly direct action: a protest and sit-in against police brutality.  Now, I get that the action was in solidarity with the national day of awareness against police brutality and not against the Philadelphia cops in particular, who, I might add, have been respectful of protester rights and have not abused their power.  But still.  I feel like all eyes were on Philadelphia because we were emerging as this model of police-protester mutual respect.  Then, while the whole world was watching us, we directed our anger and action at the police.  Huh?  The first arrests to occur within the Occupy Philadelphia community happened not as the result of marches against inequality but as a result of a handful of protesters sitting in the street, protesting police brutality, something that has not happened here within the context of the Occupy movement.  I should also note that the arrests were handled with respect and without brutality.   


Even though it was only 10 people who participated and got arrested, this action became the headline and soundbite emerging from Occupy Philadelphia, and it made us look like fools (from my perspective).  It bothered me so much, and created a rift between myself and the movement.  I feel like we (the movement) need to focus on the big picture and not get bogged down by every cause and every injustice that ever was.  Sure, police brutality is a real problem, and is worthy of protests and sit-ins, but NOT this protest.  Especially when the police have been nothing but respectful of our rights.  I signed on to this cause and became part of this movement because of corporate greed and the implications of that greed on the growing inequality between the haves and the have-nots. I want to focus our actions on the root of that issue, not on things that may be tangentially related.

I think there are way more potential Occupy supporters watching from home than there are folks who are camping and participating in direct action marches, so perception matters!  People watching at home heard about how good the Philly cops have been, and then the next minute they heard about marches and sit-ins against the cops.  As a result, people were confused and began to detach from the movement.  I did too.  Well, I shouldn't say that I detached, I just needed space and time to express my discontent and find a way to re-connect to a movement that I SO believe in.  I've done all that, and am back to my Occupy High.  I now feel like I can post this original entry in the spirit in which it was written. Solidarity to all Occupiers, whether in a tent or on their couch.
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I don't know what is happening, but I know for certain that something is happening here in Philadelphia, and I assume throughout the whole country and beyond.  I feel tongue tied, because despite this knowing, I don't quite know how to put words to it, yet.  I am still processing, trying it on, feeling it out.  All I know is that I have never witnessed something like this before, they way it has resonated with the masses and taken root in communities around the globe.  I also know that I don't just want to witness it; I very much want to be an active participant and co-creator of this thing, this movement.  

When Occupy Wall Street began, I had just left on my grand adventure out west and did not read the news at all for a little over a week - talk about liberating!  When I returned home, I heard a little about it but wasn't captivated.  I felt somewhat put off by the perceived lack of direction and overall purpose of the Wall Street demonstrators.  "What's the point?", I thought.  I, like many of us, absolutely understood and empathized with the root of the anger and frustration that was driving the protest, but I wasn't sold on the idea that pitching tents was the best way to be an effective change agent.  Not that I had a better idea, but I just wasn't there yet; I didn't get it, yet.

But then encampments starting popping up in cities and towns all over the place, including right here in Philadelphia.  Once the Occupy movement became local and I could experience it in a way other than through the media, I got it.  It took about five minutes of being at Dilworth Plaza on the west side of Philadelphia's City Hall to feel the wave of this thing that is happening.  Hundreds of people from every ethnic, socioeconomic and political background were there; their presence born out of a common anger about the passionate courtship that exists between our government and Wall Street.  After years of divisive politics and apathy-induced slumber, this peaceful and dare I say compassionate uprising was like a welcome bucket of cold water to my soul.  After that first day at Occupy Philly, for the first time in a long time, I felt the undeniable power of people united.  That's when I got it. 

Lucky for me, the Occupy Philly camp is about a block from my office, so I'm able to spend some time there every day.  I literally walk through it on my way to work, often spend my lunch breaks there, and sometimes linger there after work.  That first week there were maybe 100 tents.  A week later there were 350.  I should also note that Dilworth Plaza was home to several homeless folks prior to the Occupation, and they have remained and become part of the movement.  Occupy Philly has become a self-sustaining community, a model of radical inclusion, mutual support and dare I say, love.  It is the total opposite of greed; it is the antidote to greed.  Occupy Philly feeds every single person there three meals a day, they clothe and shelter everyone who needs it, and most importantly, they provide a safe space for everyone to voice concerns, propose ideas and be an active participant in this movement.  Nobody is an outcast; rather, every single person is a valued member who has something to contribute, and is encouraged to do so.  What a novel concept. 


On that first day, as I made my way through the crowd, I found myself standing on the sidewalk where Market Street dead-ends into City Hall, literally the center of the city.  I expected a lot of support for the movement within the crowd, but was pleasantly surprised and inspired by the amount of support coming from the outside.  Horns blasted and fists pumped in solidarity.  Cabbies, bus drivers, guys in suits, women with small dogs shoved in expensive bags - everyone echoed the sentiments that were taking root at City Hall.  The energy was electric, and literally gave me goosebumps.  It was then that I realized that this thing was real, and was rippling out further than City Hall and the numerous Occupation sites around the country.  


As the days wore on and the reports of police brutality and forced Occupy evictions from other locales increased, something very different was unfolding here in Philadelphia: cooperation and support.  As of now, the City has been supportive and has expressed a desire to work with the Occupiers.  There will undoubtedly be strains in the relationship down the road, as there is a massive construction project planned for Dilworth Plaza (read: eviction) in the very near future, but for now, exchanges between Occupy and the City have been anchored by mutual respect.  The same can be said for the police.  There are many Occupiers who are wary of the police, and for good reason, but I personally feel that we shouldn't be creating enemies where they do not exist.  For now, the police are respecting our right to do what we're doing.  There have been no incidents of pepper spray, no paddy wagons, no arrests.  They are doing their job.  


In addition to the support from the City, Occupy Philly has received letters of solidarity from the faculty of University of Pennsylvania and Temple University.  The transport workers union donated portable toilets, and several local restaurants have donated food.  People from far and wide have donated tents, blankets, food, computers, books, clothes, white boards, instruments and labor.  The Quaker Friends Center, located two blocks from Dilworth Plaza, has opened their commercial kitchen for meal prep, their bathrooms and showers for Occupiers to use, and their meeting hall for General Assemblies when the weather is crappy.  The support is widespread, and incredible.  

This is not just about unemployed hippies getting high, having drum circles and making empty demands; this is about the vast majority of us feeling ripped off and taken advantage of by our government and "too big to fail" banks.  We are slowly but surely finding our voice and exercising our right to assemble.  Many people want to know what our demands are, what our focus is, and what our next move is.  This movement is young.  Be patient.  Those things will come.  For now, it's not about the outcome, it's about the momentum and the process; it's about the communities we're building, the collective anger and power we're tapping into, and the power of people united that we're rediscovering.  


I'm finding that the more people who participate, whether on-site or online, the more other people feel like they belong too and begin to participate.  I think originally, based on what the media was broadcasting, it was only the young who felt like this was their movement.  But the more other people dig in their heels and contribute their voices, the more the rest of us feel like we belong.  Do not let the media deceive you.  There are young people marching aside elderly people; there are anti-war protestors marching alongside war veterans; there are middle class moms with their babes chanting "We Are the 99%" in unison with homeless men.  That's the beauty of it -- we are all (well, 99% of us) affected by either the economy being in the toilet (and one flush away from being in the ocean), or the housing crisis, or by the student loan debt we're drowning in, or the almost 10% unemployment rate, or the bank policies that penalize us for playing by the rules while they get bailed out by us for engaging in irresponsible behavior, and then further rewarded for being total ass clowns.  Yeah, ass clowns.  Is it any wonder why We The People are angry??    


This is, above all, the People's Movement.  I don't know where this will lead, all I know is what's actually happening right now.  This movement transcends political leanings and individual interests; this is about the people coming together take back their power.  The people are taking it back and are flexing their collective muscle to shine a light on the equally important causes and effects of corporate greed.  For now, as we slowly emerge from our submissive slumber, awareness is good enough.  Action is necessary, and will come in due time.  As for today, people are rising up, and taking care of each other at the same time.  Imagine that.  

Join us, after all, you are us.  No tent necessary. 

119: Living Room Re-Do

After taking the summer off from working on the house, we're ready to begin the next project.  For those who may not know, last January we bought a multi-family home and became landlords.  We live in one of the apartments in the building and rent out the other two units.  We have dreams of one day restoring the home back to its single-family glory, but for now, we're content to keep living in our one-bedroom apartment and collecting that rental income :) 

Since we purchased the house, we've painted the master bedroom; revamped the foyer and common stairwell, which included scraping away years of wallpaper and paint, demo, putting in new ceilings and painting, and installed new gardens in the front yard.  

Here's the bedroom in the very beginning stages of painting:

Here's the bedroom after two coats of Sherwin Williams Enigma: 
                                

  
Here's the common stairwell during the 3-month long project.  Pure hell:

Here's the common hallway after months of hellish hard work, a few coats of Sherwin Williams Sticks & Stones, and some white trim paint: 

Here's the house with nothing but weeds in the beds:

 
Here's the new and improved beds, taken Memorial Day weekend.  You should see how much everything has filled in- it's wild!   Currently, you can't see the ground; it's all herbs and vegetables and flowers and total urban jungle goodness.  I would take a picture but frankly, I'm too lazy. 

So that's a little taste of what we've been up to.  More detailed pics are here, if you're interested.  When we first bought the house, we were all excited for projects and couldn't wait to dive in and get started.  Painting the bedroom was fun, mostly because it only took a weekend to complete.  The hallway project, on the other hand, took us several weeks and made us realize just how time intensive and all-encompassing these types of things are.  We thought we were just going to paint, but one thing led to another and before we knew it, we had a full blown demo and construction project on our hands.  This was tough because the weekends were our only time to work on it.  Gone were the lazy rainy weekends and spontaneous Saturday nights out, and in rolled the monotonous routine of scrapping, more scraping, and even more scrapping.  It was at least a month before we saw even the slightest improvement, and even then, it still looked like crap. 

Once we finally completed that project- well, it's not actually complete yet, we still have to deal with the floors, but it's just about done.  Anyway, once we felt done enough, we agreed to take a break from house projects and focus on other stuff.  Jay had a lot of side work to take care of, and I really enjoyed spending time in the garden.  We also wanted our summer weekends as free as possible for beach trips, spending time with family, and just not being bogged down when it was so nice out.  

Now that the "brisk" winds of autumn are blowing in (it's in the mid 80's as I write this) and we'll be spending more time indoors, we feel ready for the next project - the living room re-design!  This is my kind of project, as it's mostly cosmetic and design centric rather than construction-heavy.  Our current living room is fine, but I want a space that reflects our style and personalities a little more.  I want a room that is designed without being too design-y, you know?  Kinda eccentric, cozy, playful and relaxing is what I'm going for; a room that has style but doesn't take itself too seriously.  I want someone who has never met us to be able to walk into the room and get a total sense of who we are. 

So, all that being said, here are the colors we've chosen:  


The main color will be Sherwin Williams Alpaca, a warm grayish/tanish neutral , and the accent wall color will be Sherwin Williams Peacock Plume, a blueish/greenish beauty:

We had some difficulty deciding between a cool gray and a warm gray, but ultimately we decided to go with the lighter, warmer one (Alpaca) on the right.  Thanks to Mom, Sara, Jenny M. and Simone for their votes.  Just about everyone voted for Alpaca

I'd also like to throw in some pops of green, magenta and/or orange, if possible.  Here are a few things that I'm inspired by.  And yes, that is a cat on the pillow.  I'm inspired by her nap habits. 

Pillows with general color scheme found at Marshalls.  Cat not included.  The blue pillow is a perfect match to the accent wall color.  The green is along the lines of the "pop of green" I referred to above.  There are also pops of magenta and orange in the white pillow

40 x 28 Koi fish painting by Ben Will.  Note the pops of orange and green.  Note the awesomeness.

Letter blocks made from vintage maps of Ireland, perfect for on top of the bookshelves.

8 x 10 graphic map of Philly, comes in a variety of colors.  Did I mention I love maps?  May get a few from different cities we've visited and cluster them together.

16 x 20 print of classic Banksy gorilla graffiti.  I LOVE this; not sure that it will work in this space, but it belongs somewhere in our home. 

So that's where we are right now.  This color scheme is based loosely on what we already have, so I know certain elements will work.  I'm just so excited to put fresh color on the walls, throw up some new art with our existing stuff and hang curtains.  Right, curtains.  I haven't started looking at designs I like yet, I kind of want to paint and accessorize first, and then deal with window treatments.  Not sure if that's a good strategy... what do you think? 

The only thing we've actually done so far is pick and purchase the paint.  I say only as if it's simple to pick paint colors.  Nope.  It's super hard, especially when you're as indecisive as I am and as indifferent as Jay is (about the paint color).  Now that we've decided and locked in, I feel like I need a few weeks off.  I'm exhausted!  :)

I'll keep you all posted on the project as we make progress.  Here's hoping that it's a relatively easy project and that we're not opening Pandora's box again!  Hell, even if it does turn out to be a long, drawn out mess, at least we'll have this guy to entertain us.  

10/1 - Awkward & Beautiful

I'm feeling a bit awkward tonight.  The Phillies just won the first game of the National League Division Series, Jay & I just had a fun night out, and it's the weekend!  All in all, life is good and I'm riding high on both post vacation and real life goodness.  I think I may be getting sick, but other than that, I have no real concerns.  I do have sadness, though.  

One year ago today, my Dad went from actively fighting cancer to receiving a prognosis of 4-6 weeks to live.  Read more about that here.  October 1st is permanently etched in my mind as a horrible day, yet October has always been one of my favorite months, so it's left me feeling totally awkward.  On one hand, October is the gateway to autumnal bliss; the temps cool down, the landscape turns from green to vibrant shades of orange, yellow, red and brown, and there's just an undeniable feeling of comfort and change.  But on the other hand, October has come to represent a time of suffering, sadness and great loss.  

How do I reconcile these two coinciding and competing feelings?  I have no idea.  All I know is that I have to honor both; I have to love October 1st like I always have, yet I have to hate October 1st, as I now do.  It's not just the 1st, either; I'm gonna have a tough time with all of October and November.  So that's what I'll be up to for the next few weeks; simultaneously loving and hating autumn.  I'll be clinging to memories of loss as I watch dead yet beautiful leaves fall from trees, and I'll be loving it for it's transformational, awesomeness.  What a beautiful, awkward mess.