Day Four: Frustrations and a Mini-Meltdown

Today was tough, not gonna lie.  It was just one of those days where every little task overwhelmed me completely and left me feeling deflated and incredibly frustrated.  Ugh.  

I woke up and felt fine, but quickly spiraled downward as I realized how much I had to accomplish during the day.  The first piece of business was thinking about and planning every single meal and snack I'll have over the next seven days, and then making a shopping list.  Even on the best of days, making a grocery shopping list takes me at least an hour.  It's just the most arduous task that brings my ADD to a whole new level.  So, it took me almost two hours and I still didn't feel organized or accomplished afterward.  I felt scattered, overwhelmed, and on-edge.  

As I tried to get myself ready to head out to the store(s), I just couldn't get it together.  Everything I touched fell apart.  I touched the sink and the drain broke; I tried to defrost meat and I cooked it; I pulled one thing out of the closet and everything else fell out.  The house was a mess, there were dishes in the sink, laundry was piled everywhere, and I still had to prep and cook so much food for the week ahead.  I was completely overwhelmed and couldn't comfort myself in the usual ways, ya know, like with a handful of tortilla chips or a piece of chocolate.  

So, without my usual vices, I had nothing left to do but melt down and have a good cry.  I stopped trying to fight it and just surrendered to feeling out of control, overwhelmed and totally impatient.  I had to remind myself (and Jay, God bless him) that these types of emotional responses are normal when detoxing, especially during the first few days.  And with that, I blew my nose, dried my eyes, and was off to Trader Joe's.  And Whole Foods.  And Pathmark. 

Grocery shopping was a nightmare for two reasons:

1) There was food everywhere and I wanted to eat it all.  The free sample at Trader Joe's today?  Oh nothing, just BBQ effing pizza!!!  No thank you.  That's fine.  I'd rather have some sauerkraut anyway.  Ahem.

2) Every person got on my last nerve and I wanted to kill everyone. 

Luckily, I made it home without eating "bad" food and without committing murder.  Victory!  I rewarded my good behavior with a handful of almonds :/  Also in the lucky category, Jay cleaned the house while I was gone, so I walked into a much less chaotic scene than when I left.  I planned to start my laundry and chill for a while before dinner, but then I remembered that I had to prep and cook for the work week!  Ugh.  No.More.Cooking.  Apparently, there's no rest for the emotionally unstable.


I love cooking when I love to cook, but not always when I have to cook.  That's the thing about this detox - you are always in the kitchen or at the store or thinking about what you need to cook or what you need to get at the store.  It's all food all the time.  So, I headed back into the newly cleaned kitchen and proceeded to muck it up.  I made a batch of egg muffins, which will be my breakfast for the next several days.  I fried 8 strips of bacon, sauteed bell pepper, onion and spinach in a pan, whisked 12 eggs and poured it all into cupcake tins, baked for 20 minutes, and now I have portable breakfast on the go.  Egg muffins for the win.

Just when I thought I was done with cooking for the day, I looked at the clock and realized it was dinner time.  More.Cooking.OMG.  Also, I should mention that we do not have a dishwasher, so when I say "cooking", I'm also referring to washing mountains of dishes per cook session.  

For dinner we had grass-fed steaks, mashed potatoes cauliflower, and garlic green beans.  The cauli-mash was AMAZING.  Light, fluffy and buttery; I honestly think I prefer it over the real deal.  Once again, props to my friend Simone over at Zenbelly for another simple yet scrumptious recipe.  Dinner was delicious.  Like last night, it left me satisfied and blissfully content.  The grass-fed steaks (from America, not Australia!) were tasty, although a little chewy.  There's definitely a learning curve with cooking this kind of beef, and we're getting there.  

I'm happy that this day is almost over, and that I get to crawl into bed and dream about tortilla chips and tequila.  Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope to be in a better mood.  One saving grace is that I roped two of my co-workers into doing this with me, so at least we can all be miserable together.  Us miserable types, we sure do love company.  


So that's all for today, friends.  Tomorrow is Day 5, which sounds like a milestone; a real achievement.  Victory!  I think I'll reward myself with... more almonds :/  See you tomorrow.