Post Keynote Analysis

I think it's important to start from the beginning, from when this gig first landed in my lap. It was about a month or so ago. I was at my internship (a dynamic non-profit seniors advocacy organization called C.A.R.I.E.) one day chatting with another intern, Ellen. She was going through her mail and opened an invitation to attend a training/conference on advocacy issues and energy resources for seniors. Ellen gave it a quick glance and handed it to me to see if I wanted to go. I read the invite pretty thoroughly... "Advocacy, Energy and the Elderly, November 18th 1:30 - 4:30, PCA, N. Broad St., panels of speakers and experts in the fields of advocacy and energy resources, blah blah blah, keynote speaker: Jennifer C. (my last name) from C.A.R.I.E., blah blah blah"...

WAIT - WHHAAAAT????

With jaw near the floor and eyes totally bugged out, I looked at Ellen, who clearly did not know my last name. "What?", she asked? "Uhhhhhhhhhhh, I AM Jennifer C. (my last name)", I said as I pointed to the name in bold on the invite. She looked back at me like there must have been a mistake. I agreed. Even though there only 15 employees at C.A.R.I.E., and I knew them all, I seriously thought that there may have been another employee who I haven't met named Jennifer C. There is no way that somebody would have signed me (ME!) up to do this. No way in hell. Ellen and I laughed it off to a zany coincidence and went on with our days. My field instructor (internship boss) was not in that day, so I just left the invite on her chair, with a sticky note that said, "what the hell did you sign me up for - LOL!" I totally thought this was a snafu.

Not so much. My field instructor did indeed sign me up for this speech, although to her credit, she did not know that it was the "keynote address" at a major conference; she thought it was just a regular presentation like a community outreach, which is much more normal and more appropriate for an intern to do. I don't know how that miscommunication happened, but it did, and now I was stuck doing this speech that I was already signed up for. Oh my GOD!

My task was to speak for 15 - 20 minutes about advocacy strategies. The length and topic were not what worried me, it was my audience that worried me. I felt like I had no credibility in the face of 200 professionals.

But, it was what it was and I had to suck up my anxieties and just do it. In the days leading up to the conference, I had so many papers and exams due at school that I had little time to devote to writing a speech, and I literally put it off until the night before (at 11:00), and finished it up while sitting in class the morning of the conference. Procrastination station! I was in a nice pocket of zen leading up to the event, but once I parked and started walking towards the building, I started seeing the crowds and started to feel consumed by anxiety. There were tons of people; very professional looking people!

Long story a little less long, I was introduced and stepped up to the podium to deliver my address. It was totally nerve-wracking, but I connected with a handful of audience members who were nodding along with what I had to say and who emanated a warmth and kindness that comforted me in that stressful situation, so I locked eyes with them when I needed to. It was important to me to be authentic and natural rather than be perfect and stick to the script, and I think that worked despite the occasional ADD moments. Before I knew it, I was done and was walking back to my seat amongst applause and smiles. Phhhewwwwww.......

Soon after I sat down, someone tapped me on the shoulder and told me that KYW (the news) wanted to interview me, so I walked to back of the auditorium and gave an interview. That was exhilarating while also being intimidating, because I'm learning about the the power that the media has in terms of spinning whatever you say in whatever way suits their agenda, so I was trying to speak the truth while also being conscious of the soundbite they would isolate and use.

After the news bit, I ran into some people I knew, both from school and from professional functions. I got some much-needed positive feedback about my speech and started to slowly but surely release some of the tension and anxiety that had filled my heart and mind prior to the speech. But - as soon as the conference ended, I had to race back to school to finish writing a paper, so I couldn't totally exhale and relax until later that night. And truthfully, I haven't been able to fully relax until right now. And damn does it feel good!

So, on my life-list of things to do, I can officially check off "deliver a keynote address". Check!