Phish - 10 years later...

Last night was like an out of body, dejavu type experience.

Jay and I found ourselves in a situation that was very familiar to us, but also made us feel like martians in a strange land. Yup, we were at a Phish show.

In the mid-to-late nineties, we used to see Phish all of the time, often traveling from one city to the next, planning our vacations around tour dates. It was such a good time; we both have so many great memories of certain shows, travel experiences, meeting up with friends in random places, and the music! Like all Phish fans, we were so bummed when in late 2000, they announced that they were taking a hiatus. What does "hiatus" mean? What would we do with our vacation time? Where would we travel to? I distinctly remember feeling so sad, because it was never just about the music; it was about the friendships made along the way and the experience of being part of something larger than oneself. Some look to religion for this feeling; we looked to Phish. So, without them, what were we supposed to do?

I guess the shortest answer is that we moved on; we diversified our musical tastes. But, two years later in 2002 when Phish announced they would end their hiatus with a New Years show at Madison Square Garden, Jay and I were there. Imagine it, after two years of leaving us hanging, our band was back and we were ready to pick up where we all left off; we were poised for some mind-blowing reunion.

Not so much. Phish came back with a phizzle rather than the bang we were expecting, and it was disappointing. But still, we chalked it up to a bad show, the pressure, and anything that could help us to reconcile our disappointment. It wasn't a tragic show, but it was certainly not where we left off either. We continued to see them a few more times, each show being slightly disappointing and leaving me generally unsatisfied. I felt like they never should have come back from their hiatus, because Phish of the early 2000's (is that even a phrase?) was not my beloved Phish, and I was slowly but surely turning into a sour-puss fan. They were fine, but I don't plan vacations around "fine"; I plan vacations around extraordinary. By the time they finally decided to end things for real and retire "Phish" in 2004, I was over it, grateful for all the good times, and wished them well in their pursuits as individual musicians.

Well here we are in 2009 and they are back yet again. I had no strong urge to see them, as I haven't been listening to their music in recent years at all, but last week when a friend called saying that he had two extra tickets, my curiosity got the best of me and Jay & I decided to seize the opportunity and go.

It was really strange, and I mean that in the best possible sense. Here we were, back doing what we used to do, yet by virtue of time and age, we are no longer who we used to be. Seeing them last night helped me to understand what happened (in terms of my reaction) when Phish came back from their hiatus in 2002; maybe it wasn't that they sucked, but maybe I had moved on and had a new appreciation for different music.

Last night, funky and tight Phish from 1997 showed up and put on a stellar performance, and I am grateful. I loved every minute; so many memories came flooding back with each song played and it was like seeing an old friend after years of separation. And if I were Jen from 1997, or 1999, or even 2002, I would be planning how I could score tickets to tomorrow's show or to the New Years run, but I am not; I am 2009 Jen and have other musicians to see, foods to taste, places to see, and experiences to be had. I am so grateful for everything that Phish has meant to me, both past and present, and I hope to see them again, but last night confirmed for me that although I love some live, '97-style Phish, I have indeed moved on. Some parts of the show fit into me like a puzzle-piece; some didn't fit at all. But all of it was truly bizarre, and great. I have to say that the crowd sucked though; many drunk, ignorant folks on their iphones. That is definitely a difference from the late '90's.

All in all, I am so glad we went. They are the same Phish that I loved ten years ago and it was great to see them and re-live some excellent times. But seeing them in the same spot made me grateful to be in a different spot. It's like going back to your home town: it's lovely to see your old town and reminisce with old high school friends, but at the end of the day, it's even better to move on...