the clinic aint no picnic

A few weeks ago, I received a letter from my employer informing me that I needed to get a tuberculosis (PPD) test ASAP due to state mandates that require all elderly caregivers to be tuberculosis-free. This sounds like a fairly benign process, and I suppose it was, in retrospect, but the reality is that it was a pain in the a**.

My company wouldn't pay for the test at our regular doctor's office; rather, they sent out a list of clinics where the test was free. I can't blame them, as they have well over 100 employees and it would be quite costly to pay for all of those tests; however, I just wish they would have calculated the time and energy involved in attaining this two-step test and given us paid time-off or reimbursement for pain & suffering.

First of all, I put it off for weeks. I left it for the last week possible; the last week before they would have canned me for non-compliance. So I wake up on Monday to a crappy, rainy morning, and realize that I have to leave at least an hour early so that I can wait for the clinic to open, which means waiting in a line full of sick people in the cool, morning rain. Geed.

I walk out my front door and realize that I don't have an umbrella. Geed.

I drive to the clinic in Germantown, park, and realize I have no change to feed the meter. Geed.

I scrounge around for some loose change in my car and find 30 minutes worth of coinage, knowing full well that I'll be parked for well over an hour. I suck it up and shrugg it off. "Not bad for a Monday", I tell myself. And with that positive affirmation, I step out into the dreariness of a rain-soaked Chelten Ave. and head towards the clinic. Less than five steps down the sidewalk, I see the line, maybe 20 people deep. "Not bad for a Monday", I remind myself.

30 minutes later, the clinic doors opened and we were herded like cattle through the ropes and corridors to yet another line. The security guard began to address the crowd, "all OBGYN clients, go over there and wait; if you have an appointment, go over there and sign in; if you're here for test results, see the nurse; to see the dentist, go over to the corner and wait; everyone else will be triaged and seen on am emergency basis, only one complaint will be addressed during this visit". At this point, I'm thinking "oh God, I'm going to be here all day just for a two-second PPD test". Then, the security guard said, "is anyone here for a PPD test?", to which my arm shot enthusiastically into the air, probably pissing off my line-mates. The guard motioned for me to come to the front of the line, and as I did, I thought "hell yeah!, I'm outta here".

Not so much.

The guard simply redirected me to another line, which lead to a mound of forms to be filled out, which lead to another waiting room. I sat and waited for another hour, and it was so loud and full of hard, clinical surfaces that it was hard to hear whose name was being called. I was paranoid that I missed my name being called and would be sitting there among the sick masses and hard tiles all day. Finally, my name was called, and I heard it. Two minutes later, I was done.

I was given an appointment slip and was told to go to the front desk to arrange a time to come back in 48 hours to get my results. So I went to the front desk, and the lady was so RUDE! She almost made me cry. She was yelling at me because I didn't know what color form I filled out earlier. Was it yellow? Was is marigold? Was it orange? Apparantly it made worlds of difference, and she made me feel like a piece of shit because I couldn't remember. I tried to kill her with kindness, but she was so miserable, and I became so affected by her negativity. She wouldn't give me an appointment, she just said to come back on Wednesday but wouldn't answer my questions. Geed.

The good news is that there was no ticket on my windshield. I had averted the Parking Authority once again.

Fast forward to Wednesday - another rainy day. I return to the clinic, and in a nutshell, am treated like crap and given the run-around by more miserable people who hate their jobs. I finally got my results - negative (duh) - but all in all, I spent over three hours and countless amounts of my vital energy on the ordeal, which will all be unacknowledged by my company. I had to take time off from my internship, and even worse, wake up early! And the worst part is, this PPD test is only good for one year!

My conclusion: the clinic aint no picnic! With that said, I recently discovered this website , which reminds me that it could always be worse...